What Happens if Your Parents Say “No?”
Do you feel they need additional assistance, but they weren’t receptive to the idea? This conversation can be a sensitive subject and when you bring it up with your parents be ready for a “no.” It happens often, and many elders don’t want to talk or think about senior care when it’s first brought up. If you get a “no” it can be okay to put this conversation on hold for another time. They may say they are not ready for changes or they don’t need help. Most parents who agree to make changes say they wish they would’ve done it sooner. Hopefully they will gradually change their mind and become receptive to the idea of talking about additional help.
If you have fears about the safety of your parent, GET PROFESSIONAL HELP.
A social worker, pastor, or physician may be able to provide help in these situations. You don’t want to play the role of the bad guy and getting outside help will allow you to approach your parents in a caring way. Often times when elders finally choose to accept additional help they see how it helps make thier life easier and offers them more peace of mind. The following are options when it comes to talking with your parents about senior care living and how to best approach and talk to them:
- It’s ok to disagree. It’s important to voice your opinion in a calm and respectful way and hear their side of the conversation. Keeping open lines of communication will help throughout this process.
- Reassure your parents that you’re there to help them and that you have their best interests in mind. You want to help them and help increase their quality of life.
- Keep in mind that many parents are resistive when it comes to getting senior care help and living.
- Look for options that will help your parents achieve their goals with less risk.
- If there is an argument reopen the conversation at a later time when everybody is calm and can communicate effectively. There is nothing wrong with stopping the talk and revisiting the issue at a later day.
- Set your own limits. As adult children your parents can dictate how they live, but they should not dictate how you live your life.
- If you find yourself doing house chores and constantly helping you may be enabling your parents. Make sure that they understand if you’re unable to continue helping in these ways and why they might need additional help.
- It can be a good idea to accompany your parents to a doctor’s appointment. Where they might say they’re “fine” you’ll be able to bring up issues or struggles you’ve noticed and how they might need help. You can bring up a certain incident or condition to help the doctor understand the real situation.
- Do your own research and put a plan in place that you feel best helps your parents. Refer to these bullet points or checklist during your conversation.
- Remember that your parents have rights. While you may know that you have their best interests in mind, they might not feel that way right away. Don’t talk down to them, belittle them, or raise your voice while discussing the idea of additional care. In the end, your parents are in control of their lives and are free to make their own mistakes, even if you disagree with them.
If you’re able to talk to your parents about getting help and they say “yes” be ready to move forward and get them the help they agree to. It’s important to have a plan in place should they accept the fact that they need additional help. Once a decision is made to move forward there could be other things you need to help with. This could include selling a residence, helping your parents move, and begin contacting services to get them assistance.
